Baby News...

Yesterday I got my lab results (finally) and as expected, everything was fine except the antibody test. An antibody was detected in my blood, so the midwife said they will test again at my next appointment just to make sure it wasn't a fluke.  The midwife assured me that it could have been a false positive, because I had the Rhogam shot just over a month prior, but more than likely it's due to a condition that developed at the end of my last pregnancy with Hepzibah.

I have a negative blood type, so usually with the Rhogam shot pregnancies progress without any hitch. Somehow, between 28 weeks and delivery of Hepzibah, the Rhogam failed, and my body began to "attack" her. The midwife at the time (Donna, love her!) thought the first test was an error, so she retested us both while in recovery (post delivery) and got a second positive. Dr. Simpson (my fave OB doc) was then sent to discuss what that meant, and what possible risks would arise in future pregnancies. She informed me that the chances of the Rhogam failing, is less than 1%. In the cases of mamas with negative blood types (when Rhogam fails), the mother's body recognizes the baby as a foreign invader, and the body begins to build up antibodies to rid the 'invader'. Now, as subsequent pregnancies go, the body would target earlier and earlier, eventually leading to later term miscarriages. But we're not there right now. And Praise God, He is bigger than any of this. So while all of this seems a bit overwhelming, nothing is too overwhelming or difficult for Him to fix.

As for right now, my current OB will be retesting in a few weeks when I go back for my next regular appointment.  From there, we'll know more about how they want to move forward in treating me this pregnancy.

I'm not really worried at this point, but if you would be willing to pray for us, prayers are always appreciated. :)

What a week...

I've heard so much bad news lately. The end of last week, a blog mama lost her twin boys at just 19 weeks. From her previous posts, there wasn't any high risk to her or anything, her water just spontaneously broke at 18 weeks, and she did her best to hold them off until they were 'viable'. Unfortunately, that's not what the Lord had for her, and they came anyway at 19 weeks, where she and her husband were able to say their good byes and hold their sweet babies until the last one passed.

Today I learned that a girl I knew in high school has lost her 8 month old baby girl. A beautiful, sweet, playful baby girl who was perfect and healthy-- until yesterday when they had to say their own good byes. My heart aches for these Mamas, I cannot even begin to imagine what they are going through, or the road they must face as they bury their babies.

I am so grateful for my children, and praise God that He chose me to be their mom. And being pregnant again,  I continue with the most grateful of hearts. I have found myself wondering why these terrible things have happened, but am quickly reminded of what the Lord had shown me so many times before. In every seemingly bad situation, there's an opportunity for His glory to be revealed. Somehow, these tragedies are woven into His perfect plan. I continue to pray for peace for these families, that the Lord would mend their broken hearts. I pray that, instead of holding onto anger, (why did God let my baby die?) the Lord would show them how courageous they can be, and bring them through this grief to a happier place.

God- The Big, Soft Hearted Dad

My heart overflows with joy everytime I see my husband with our children. For a man that never really wanted kids, he is the biggest softie when it comes to them. He loves to snuggle with them, dote on them with things they love and want, and treat them to fun activities. His heart oozes with affection for them. It makes me think of God's love for us, He loves to love on us, to dote on us, and to let us know constantly we are on His mind. As much as we try to love our children with perfect love, we are human, we will fail. But God's love for us is perfect.  God's love is perfect. It is patiently waiting for us to run to Him, not boastful, not proud, not rude or self-seeking and keeps no record of past wrongs. It always hopes, always perseveres, and NEVER fails. No matter how much I screw up, His arms remain open, waiting for me. His heart just gushes with love and affection for each of us.
Yes, as any parent does occasionally, He disciplines those He loves, but unlike human parents, God's mercy is always the same. I know that I, myself am guilty of occasionally acting out of frustration instead of cool-headed collectiveness when it comes to discipline, praise God He handles us so much more gracefully. A story of David is brought to mind when I think of God's mercy. Well, David's whole life story is God's mercy over and over, as David had his share of mess-ups, but how I wander... In 2 Samuel 24 David takes a census of all Israel and Judah, against the Lord's wishes. The Lord offers him a choice in how he wants to receive his punishment: 3 years of famine, 3 months of fleeing his enemies, or 3 days of plague. David's response: (2 Samuel 24: 14) "...Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into the hands of men." Like a big, soft hearted Dad, after he reprimands us, He's there with us through the aftermath.

Fast Forward-- April 2012

So it's been a while since my last blog post. Our lives have seen ups and downs since I last wrote up here, but to sum it up now, we've seen God's hand move on our behalf as a family over and over again. We recently moved to Waco, Texas for work after a 9 month span of being unemployed. On our adventure heading out here, just 300 miles from Waco our only vehicle died-- kaput. God's word to me as we waited for the tow truck, when I sighed and asked why we seemed to have such bad luck, I'll never forget. It's not bad luck, it's just an opportunity for my Glory to be revealed. Wow. And have we ever seen that these past long months.

We recently came to learn that we are expecting our fourth child, and looking into the prospect of buying our first home, if the Lord chooses to open the door for us.  We are living and learning to continually stretch ourselves and live by faith.

Update

I had my follow up appointment yesterday morning for last week's events. No new cervical changes although baby girl is sitting at a -1 station (which is REALLY low, to put in perspective, Al was up higher than that until it was time to push). Doctor has extended the modified bedrest orders until I hit 34 weeks, which is only 3 weeks away. She said at that time, I may resume regular activity as is comfortable, not expecting the pregnancy to continue too long beyond that. At 34 weeks, the majority of lung development is complete and baby girl would have much less a chance of needing to spend any time in NICU.

My prayer is that all of the upheaval and changes that have hit us over these past few weeks can now start settling down and that we can relax and enjoy our last few weeks as a family of 4, preparing for baby to arrive.

Where The Spirit Of The Lord Is - Chris Tomlin - Passion 2010

Bedrest, day 2

Seeing as how I now have an abundance of time just sitting around, I figured it probably wouldn't hurt for me to take a stab at blogging a little...

This pregnancy has been the toughest, physically, out of all of my pregnancies. Severe morning sickness up until 16 weeks in the beginning (hypermesis graviderum), lots of spotting throughout first trimester, not to mention my first premature labor scare at just 24 weeks. I thought I was finally starting to get to a better place in this pregnancy and was trucking along strong until this week.

Monday night while out at a friend's for dinner, I started having really bad cramping in my lower abdomen. It didn't feel like contractions and certainly wasn't timeable, so I just ignored it and home we went. All night those nagging cramps kept waking me up and baby's movements started dropping off a little by morning. Again, I just ignored it, I had an appointment that morning (Tues) anyway. 10:30 rolled around, I was called back for my doctor's appointment, and the midwife made it into the room. I started discussing the recent cramping and she requested to do a fetal fibronectin test and check me, just to be on the safe side, seeing as I was 30 wks 1 day. As I got on the table waiting for the fetal fib test, I felt tightening and pointed it out to her, not sure if it was a contraction (I know it sounds silly, but I seriously don't feel contractions until WELL into active labor). At this point, the midwife freaked. "You are going to the Women's Center, that was a contraction, regardless of whatever this test comes back saying, you have to go." She did the test then went to check me, baby had dropped more than 2" since my visit just 2 weeks prior, and I was 1 cm and 50% effaced. Great. To the Women's Center I went, 4 hours of monitoring, having contractions all over the monitor (just not consistent) and waiting on the test results. The nurse came back in with discharge paperwork, fetal test came back negative (her confidence in the test was greatly lacking, saying "It's right sometimes, it's wrong sometimes.") My midwife sent orders for modified bedrest, modified = minimize time on feet, no standing at stove, no going for walks, no lifting, no standing for any amount of time, etc.

Now, onto day 2... I hate to say it, but I really have no idea what I'm looking for as far as labor signs. Just getting up making the bed in the morning I have that awful cramping come back and feel like I'm going to end up dropping a baby. Out of everything that has been going on for us this past month, this, by far, leaves me feeling completely discouraged. I feel like I'm failing this baby girl if I don't make it to term with her, this is a function I should be able to do, right? I'm scared of having her early then not being able to take her home for weeks, things I probably shouldn't even think about right now, until I absolutely have to. 5 weeks, I can last 5 weeks, can't I?

The Lord has blessed us so abundantly in so many ways, I feel terrible that I'm struggling with this, now. It's as if a part of me doesn't want to admit that He is still bigger than this, when I know He is. I'm scared, and don't know how to change that. I keep reminding myself of what the Lord has spoken to me over the course of this pregnancy over and again, that He is Gracious. He graciously gave us this baby girl, His grace will cover her (us). It's all about grace. I can do this.